You are not broken
Gay, lesbian and bisexual people have higher rates of depression, anxiety, addiction and suicide attempts than the general population. That is a fact.
But the cause is not the orientation, it is the stigma. Researchers call it minority stress: something that happens to you, not something you are.
You are not depressed because you are gay. You are exhausted because you have been carrying something heavy for years and nobody helped you put it down.
The hiding
Watching what you say and to whom. A thousand times a day.
Expecting rejection
Your body stays alert even when nothing happens.
What you overhear
The jokes, the “I’ve nothing against it, but…”. They add up over years.
The question moves from “what is wrong with me” to “what happened to me”. The second one has answers.
Coming out
There is no correct way and no correct age — only what is safe for you now. Start with the safest person, not the most important one.
And it will not be once: you will do it for every new colleague, doctor, landlord. A skill, not an exam.
You owe nobody
Staying private is not a betrayal, it is survival. You choose when and how — calmly, not mid-argument. If someone is pressuring you to come out, that is their problem, not yours.
Yourself first
The coming out that matters most is the internal one.
Nobody has the right to out you
Threatening to tell someone is abuse, not gossip and not “for your own good”.
Before you tell your family
- Do you depend on them financially, and what happens if that stops?
- Do you live with them, and do you have somewhere to go?
- Is there a history of violence in the family?
- Is there someone who knows, who you can call afterwards?
- If you are under 18 — is there an adult you trust outside the family?
When family does not accept
Sometimes it hurts for years and sometimes it never resolves. More often it changes, just more slowly than you want.
The first reaction is almost never the final one. Your parents are repeating what they learned in another time. That is not an excuse, but it is a reason not to treat the first three months as a verdict.
Shock and blame
“It’s a phase.” Themselves, or you. This is where the ugliest things get said.
Bargaining and quiet coexistence
“Fine, but don’t tell anyone.” Many families stop here for years.
Real acceptance
They ask about your partner by name. It comes — but on their clock.
And an uncomfortable truth
You are not responsible for their journey. If home has become unsafe or is crushing you, the most loving thing for yourself may be to step away — temporarily or for good. That does not make you a bad son or daughter.
Shame and self-hatred
If you grew up hearing that people like you are disgusting or ill, some of that went inside you. You are not weak — you were a child and you believed adults.
It is called internalised homophobia and nearly all of us carry some. It rarely sounds like hatred — more often like caution and common sense.
How it sounds from the inside
- “I’m not one of those gays.”
- “I don’t mind, as long as they don’t flaunt it.”
- Relief when you hear “you can’t even tell”.
What helps
- Naming it. A thought recognised as learned loses its authority.
- Asking whose opinion this is — yours, or a man who shouted at you when you were 12?
- Therapy with someone who will not help you “fix” it.
Loneliness
It is not an absence of people, but an absence of people around whom you edit nothing. You can be surrounded by friends and still be alone.
Dating apps solve a different problem. If you are looking for closeness and getting only hookups, nothing is wrong with you.
One place, not ten
One regular place where you hide nothing is worth more than a hundred acquaintances. Rainbow Hub in Sofia; in smaller towns it is often one group or one person.
Online counts too
Support groups and chats are not second-class. In a small town they are often the only door.
Do something instead of meeting people
People get close sideways — while doing something together. Volunteering, sport, a choir, anything.
Finding a therapist who will not try to “cure” you
Therapy works, but only with the right person. The wrong one can do harm — especially if they quietly believe your orientation is the problem.
The practical route here: Single Step’s network of psychologists trained to work with LGBTI people, with contacts in ten cities. GLAS Foundation’s Kabinet Daga also gives free sessions.
About “conversion therapy”
It does not work. There is no reliable method of changing orientation, and attempts are associated with depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts.
In Bulgaria it is NOT banned: in ILGA-Europe’s 2026 report the country scores zero on both indicators for a conversion-practices ban — unchanged from the previous year.
We could not find a public statement from any Bulgarian professional body condemning them. The Bulgarian Association for Psychotherapy’s code of ethics requires equal treatment regardless of orientation but does not address conversion practices.
Nobody will protect you but you. Ask in advance.
Ask in the first conversation
- “Do you have experience with LGBT clients?”
- “How do you view sexual orientation — as something that can be changed?”
- “What is your position on conversion practices?”
- A good professional answers calmly. Evasion is itself an answer.
Red flags
- Hunts for a trauma, or your parents, to explain your orientation.
- Offers to “work on it”, as though it were a symptom.
- Talks about a “lifestyle” or a “choice”.
- Tells you not to rush coming out “for your own good”, without having heard anything about your life.
- Leaves you feeling ashamed after something intimate.
What it costs and what the state covers
Psychiatric care — a doctor, a diagnosis, medication — is effectively free through NZOK and the state budget. In an acute crisis this is the accessible route.
Psychotherapy with a private practitioner is paid out of pocket: Sofia rates run roughly €35–80 a session, most often €40–50 for 60 minutes. Ask the practitioner — this is not a tariff.
Kabinet Daga (GLAS Foundation) and Kabinet.bg offer up to a few free sessions. The number for both is 0800 20 202, every working day 10:00 – 16:00.
If you are under 18, Kabinet Daga requires written consent from a parent or guardian.
Sources
Phone numbers and organisations were verified on 13 August 2026 against their official pages. Bulgarian support lines change their hours often — see “Get help now”.
Read next
- OrganisationsWho actually helps, where they are, what it costs
- ConfessionsPeople who were exactly where you are
- FaithIf the guilt is coming from faith, not from you
- ParentsIf your parent wants to understand — give them this